No Choice But the Wrong Choice
by jazznsmoke
Summary: A prompt given to me by the great Texasbelle91. A little humor, a little angst and a whole lot of love felt.


A/N: this is a prompt that was given to me by Texasbelle91 awhile ago, and I finally finished it. Hope you like it, girl!

* * *

I slipped away from Merle's arms and went outside. I didn't want to go back to my cell, and I didn't want to spend the night with Merle tonight. Rick's on watch in the tower, I can see his outline from where I'm standing just outside of the prison. I wrapped my arms around myself and went up to the tower, feeling Rick's eyes on me the entire time it took me to get up there. I leaned against the railing and smiled at him. His smile in response took my breath away, like it always does. He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me, seeing me shiver from the cold. "Surprised you aren't in with Merle," He grumbled into my hair.

"I was, but I couldn't sleep. Figured I'd come see you."

"I wish you would choose one of us, Beth. I hate sharing you with him."

"I can't choose. I love you both." I leaned up and kissed his cheek, then his jaw and finally his lips, cutting off whatever argument he was going to use this time. They both argue the same thing each time, they both loved me, but they can't stand each other. All because of what happened before they met me.

* * *

I never sit with Merle or Rick at meals, unless I'm the one feeding Judith, but Carol usually takes her at meal times. Today I sat off by myself, with a bit of a headache. I saw both Rick and Merle look at me, confusion in their eyes, from different sides of the room. Rick with Daddy and Carl, Merle over by Daryl. No one knows about my relationship with either of them. Neither one of them really sat too far from each other, and they always sat in a way that I'm in their eyesight, even if they don't realize it.

I know it's a sin to sleep with and love two men, but even so I can't bring myself to stop. Rick is a sweet, loving man who needs love. Merle isn't as mean, or anything like everyone thinks. Once you get to know him he's sweet. He notices every little thing, makes sure you have everything you need and then some.

I looked over to where Judith was playing with Lizzie and Mika and saw from the corner of my eye Merle standing up. He walked the distance towards me, standing in the center of the room. I felt the same shiver that always goes through me when he speaks, the gravel of his voice is one of my favorite sounds. "Beth, I'm fuckin' sick o' this. Ya need ta make a fuckin' choice. Me or officer Friendly. I ain't sharin' my bed wit' Ya if yer gonna keep crawlin' back in bed wit' him. Who's it gonna be?"

Merle's voice easily carried across the entire room. Everyone stopped and looked at us, Rick stood, a barely noticeable red touching his cheeks. I felt my own cheeks flaming and panic settling in.

I looked around wildly, looking for a way out of this, a way to choose between the two people I love, but mostly for a way out. My gaze settled on Daryl, still sitting on the steps, really only a few feet away from me. Blocking any form of getting out of here by going upstairs in the cell block.

"Daryl. I choose Daryl," I blurted, my heart thundering. What did I just say?

My eyes still on Daryl, I watched him choke on his water, and turn beat red, coughing and trying to catch his breath. If the room wasn't already silent it is now. And then there's the collective intake of air from about the room as everyone inhales and tries to make sense of what's happening.

I felt everyone's eyes on me. I'm scared to look around the room, to lift my eyes from the floor, now that I'm not looking at Daryl.

"What the fuck?" I heard Daryl and Merle say together and I heard Rick mutter something.

Then Daddy spoke. "Beth?"

I tentatively looked up, met Merle's eyes, then Rick's then looked at my dad. I kept my eyes from glancing at everyone else in the room. My cheeks are still flaming red.

"I ain't never touched the girl." Daryl muttered, embarrassment lacing through his voice.

"I can't choose," I said before standing up and leaving, high tailing it as fast as I could. After I left everyone behind I passed the showers, thought about hiding in there, but I kept going. I need a place where no one will find me. Not for awhile, at least. I need to think. I need to figure out how to choose. Rick or Merle. How do I choose between two people I love so much? How can I choose one over the other and not hurt either of them.

The room with the generator. I've been there a few times, and I've always made a fuss about hating it there. It's creepy, and it always feels like some one is watching me, like a ghost almost. No one will think to look for me there. I kept running till I got there, I pulled out my knife as soon as I left the safety of the others, I'm not stupid enough to go down there without protection of some sort. I didn't cross anything, no dead wandering around. Not surprising, really, since Daryl comes down to tinker all the time and keeps this area clean.

I hunkered down in a corner of the room, out of sight of the door, my knife still clenched in my hand. Better safe than sorry.

Rick, so broken and loving and tender. His eyes always seeing through all the walls I put up. His curly hair sleep tousled in the morning when he wakes up, his beard scratching my neck when he snuggles closer to me when we're sleeping.

Merle, with his icy blues, his sweet southern drawl and gravely voice that always sends shivers through me every time I hear his voice. Next to his brother I'm the only one he's ever opened up to, the only one he's given his heart to. I love when he smiles crookedly at me.

How can I break their hearts? One of them is going to hurt no matter what I do. And how do I make things right with Daryl, my best friend? How do I fix things that I just messed up by blurting his name when I panicked? I'll find him on his next watch shift and talk to him.

I sat there for hours trying to decide what to do. I cried on and off the entire time, no matter what I do, I'll hurt myself and them. By the time Merle and Rick found me, panic in their eyes, worry etched across their beautiful faces, I came to a decision. One that broke my heart.

They stood in front of where I sat, knees pressed to my chest, tears streaming down my face again; the tears started the minute I heard them enter the room, calling my name softly. "What the hell was that shit, girl? Why the fuck did ya run off, ta here no less?" Merle questioned.

I looked up at them both, not bothering to hide my tears, "How could you do that to me? Force me to choose, especially in front of every single member of our family?"

"Cause I can't keep on like this, girl. Neither one o' us can. May be one o' a few thangs me an' Officer Friendly can agree on."

I felt hollow, suddenly. Like all of my emotions left me. I swallowed and dried my eyes on the back of my shirt sleeve. "I made my choice," I whispered. They looked at me expectantly. Waiting. "I don't choose either o' ya."

I looked up for a second, seeing the hurt and confusion in their eyes.

"Explain?" Rick's single word was one of a million things I didn't want them to ask.

"'Cause if I choose one of you not only will it hurt me, but it'll hurt the one I don't choose. Me bein' with the other one will always rub in your face. Choosin' neither of ya will only hurt me. You'll both get on wit' yer lives." I explained quickly and quietly.

They stared at me for who knows how long, and all I could think is I want them to leave, to leave and let me be, let me feel the pain. Because the pain is coming back now. No more hollowness. Just tidal waves of heart break. The silence is nearly unbearable. And I don't want to cry in front of them again. "Jus' leave, make it easier on us all an' let this end here an' now. I'm sorry for everything wit' ya both. Now go, let me be." They kept standing there, staring at me. "Leave, please jus' leave. LEAVE!" I shouted the last word. I need them to go. If they don't leave I'll leave. I'll find somewhere else to be alone and get through this. A tear trickled from my eye and I angrily wiped it away. I'm not going to show them my tears.

When I stood to leave they took a step back in unison. They don't realize just how much they're alike. The thought flashed through my mind like a whip. "'M sorry for hurtin' ya, Beth." Rick whispered before taking a step forward. I didn't step back in time to keep him from pressing a kiss to my forehead, a goodbye. Then he left the room quickly. Then it was just me and Merle.

I kept my eyes on the floor. "I love ya, angel, I wanted ya ta choose me."

"That's the thang, Merle. I just can't choose."

He turned on his heels and walked away, too. No goodbye. To Merle, saying goodbye isn't something that's done.

I sat back down in my corner until well after I knew everyone except those on watch would be in their beds and asleep, going over and over the events that led to me being here. I sighed before standing and made my way out of the tombs and back to "civilization". A single glance at the perch in the cell block told me Daryl would be on watch, and I could go do the last thing I needed to for a clean break from this all. I glanced at Merle and Rick's cells, seeing that their shoes are tucked neatly outside of them before heading out.

I knocked tentatively on the door of the tower before opening the door and going in. I know Daryl knew I was coming to the tower. He's vigilant when out here, well, always vigilant but more so when on watch, and I know he saw me, even if he wasn't on the balcony looking out. He greeted me with a grunt of acknowledgement and turned to look at me through his shaggy bangs.

"Ya gonna explain?" He asked.

I nodded. "I'm sorry fer sayin' I choose ya an' bringin' ya into that. I panicked."

"Sure wasn't expectin' my brotha ta force ya to choose between 'em. Never seen him serious 'bout no one before. Did ya choose?"

I nodded again, feeling yet another tear trickle down my face. How can one person shed so many tears?

"Who'd ya choose, Darlin'?" He asked, and stepped forward to wipe the tear away. He surprised me and hugged me, wrapping his arms around me. I think it surprised him too, but he didn't let go.

"I choose neither o' em. I broke it off completely wit' them both."

"Beth?"

"It's better if I'm the only one who really has ta hurt, Dar." I mumbled this into his vest.

"They shouldn'ta made ya choose. Shouldn'ta done thangs the way they did. It ain't on ya an' they're both gonna hurt." He patted my back. I sniffled and pulled away.

"I'm real sorry for embarrassin' ya."

"So long as yer daddy don' come after me like he'll be doin' ta Rick an' Merle."

"He won'," I promised.

I kept away from Rick and Merle, neither one of them even really looked at me anyways. I hurt them both but they'll get over me. They'll move on.

* * *

The next few months hurt more than anything and Daddy pushed for me to spend time with Zach, get to know him, maybe fall for him. I tried spending time with him. He's a nice boy. I agreed to "date" him, dating is different now, but, the concept is the same.

I noticed the way Merle's jaw clenched together every time Zach and I sat together, and the way Rick would turn his head,, pointedly looking away. God, how do I do this? I always scoot a little away from Zach, not letting him really get that close to me. Hell, I've only let him kiss my cheek.

Not long into my 'relationship' with Zach I walked down the corridor towards the shower, eyes downcast and ran smack into Merle. I fumbled for an apology and tried to scurry away. His arm snaked out and grabbed me, pulling me back to him. "I don't care if yer wit' Friendly an' me. Look at ya, angel, yer fadin' ta nothin' right before my fuckin' eyes. I can't keep seein' ya like this. I'd rather yer wit' Friendly than pretendin' ta like that kid. If ya want ta be wit' us both I ain't gonna argue again. I'd rather have part o' ya than nothin'."

"Rick wouldn't ever agree," I said, "I can't keep hurtin' either o' ya. I jus' can't. I'm tryin', Merle. I'm tryin' ta do the right thang." I forced the words out around the lump in my throat.

He pulled me tight against his chest and made shushing sounds into my hair. It only made the tears come easier. "Leave officer Friendly ta me."

I shook my head. "It ain't ever gonna work. Ya both hate each other an' ya both hate me for lovin' ya both."

"Nah, we don't hate ya. We hate seein' ya miserable an' we hate sharin'. But seein' ya miserable is worse. It's an alpha thang."

I nodded and pulled away. He pulled me back long enough and kissed my forehead before letting me move away. I wiped the tears away and headed for the showers again.

"Break thangs off wit' tha' little shit, angel." Merle called out after me. I turned around long enough to nod.

The next morning I broke things off with Zach. He was thankful, agreeing that neither of us have feelings for each other and we were both just trying to appease my daddy. I stayed in my cell the rest of the day. Until Rick and Merle came in after everyone settled down around the cell block.

"We talked an' for once I agree with Merle. I can't take this shit. Losin' ya is worse than losin' Lori somehow."

I looked up in surprise, wondering if this is some kind of sick joke their playing. Both of their beautiful faces were completely serious.

I stood and threw my arms around them both, thankful they stood so close to each other. I don't know how any of this works, or if things will end up like they did the first time around, but for now, the two men I love more than anything are willing to put up with each other for me.

I tilted my head up and pressed a kiss first to Rick's cheek and then turned and pressed one to Merle's cheek. They both kept a hand on my waist and I made no move to pull away from them. I'd stay in their embrace as long as they would allow me to stay.


End file.
